New Discoveries
by starglow71
Summary: Sam has his soul, Cas tore down his wall sending him spiralling,and he is coping. One problem, now Dean is the one spiralling and Sam wants to help but somehow it is tied to when he was soulless and he wants to knows how.  Warning: Explicit Wincest!


Warning: This is Wincest, serious down and dirty, romantic, schmoopy, graphic Wincest. There is some explicit language that definitely could be construed as smutty.

This is my take on if Dean had gotten a little too sexy with Soulless! Sam before Sam got back his soul. What if they had never done before Sam had jumped in the cage. The feeling had been there but with no soul to tell Sam it was wrong he was driven to act on them, just because. Will the now Ensouled Sam feel the same way for Dean or will this drive them apart or worse?

Read on if you like.

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Dean sat deep in thought. Sam had his soul back and now remembered everything he had done as Soulless! Sam thanks to Castiel bringing down the wall. Chuck may have showed up to take Cas away but he left a huge mess behind, mostly Sam melting down against his brother, barely hanging onto his sanity as his memories flooded in. It had been rough for a bit but now it seemed the parts were doing what they were supposed to do, becoming whole, making him whole again, making him Sam again. It was great that he remembered and was seriously adjusting well to it. Sure there were nightmares and a flashback here and there but for the most part he wasn't falling apart as much as he had been. The parts were integrating and he would be fine.

Unfortunately there were some things he, no they, had done that would not sit with Sam being whole again. Things Dean hadn't seen as quite as wrong as he should have or should have fought more. He had found out that Sam had desired him as much as he had desired Sam over the years but was ashamed to say anything. Soulless!Sam didn't have such qualms. He had climbed into Dean's bed and confessed these things. Dean had at first been repulsed but Soulless! Sam had seduced him in every way he could and had won him. Dean now admitted to himself that he had let the guy do it, he had figured if this was the only way he could have Sam and it was what Sam had wanted anyway, it couldn't be too wrong, not for them, not for the brothers who only had each other over the years. They had been too close all their lives, this was an inevitable yet strange twist to that.

Sam was always casting confused glances at him whenever he wasn't looking or thought his older brother was asleep, or came out of the shower wrapped in three towels, or any number of odd behaviors he had come up with to hide his feeling of disappointment and shame over hurting Sam that way. He watched and saw Sam try to talk to him about it but made sure to cut him off. That wasn't sane ground at the moment.

Dean on the other hand, drank too much, and didn't bring women home anymore. He came home early and crawled under the covers mumbling goodnight and hiding as far as he could into them. Like that would be a barrier to hide him from his brother's eyes or hide his shame at still wanting that with him.

He knew he should go to hell now, he knew he shouldn't be feeling this way now, that his real brother Sam wouldn't want this, even though the other had said he did. He had been weak and gave in when he should have fought. He kept finding himself touching his gun more, running his fingers over it thoughtfully, as if considering the unspeakable, picturing using it on himself at times to end this between them, between his ears, the memories of touches, the kisses, the words, and yes, even the often cruel indifference the other Sam had showed him at times. He wanted to touch him again that way and was trying desperately to not be that way, and failing miserably. He was getting depressed, more depressed by the day, eating less, sleeping less, staring off hopelessly when Sam wasn't looking or around, and touching his gun more often, a little too much. He wasn't dealing with this well and he knew it.

He hated himself for everything. It was for him that Sam went into the cage, it was for him that Sam was brought back, however soulless that was, and it was for him that he got the wall torn down and was tortured by Cas the way he was. That he wasn't a total nutjob was a testament to how strong his little brother really was. Dean hid his pain and pretended as best he could that he was fine but even he knew it was showing, and hoped Sam didn't pick up on too much of it.

He cried sometimes in the shower as he made himself release in the shower to the images of Sam's lips on his, his body against his, and other things he knew he shouldn't even be enjoying.

He was wrong. Sam saw and heard everything he was hiding but was not confused as to why but on how to deal with it. He felt the same for Dean but Dean was just building up his walls and doing a hell of job keeping Sam out, Jericho's walls had nothing on Dean's, the Great Wall of China was a little cement wall by a highway compared to the walls his brother had put up.

Sam wanted to tell him he knew everything they had done and that he wanted that with him again. Dean just kept drinking and avoiding talking, avoided looking directly at him, and even went out of his way to keep a great distance between them, so they wouldn't touch accidentally. He had seen the long stares, the guilty looks, and more importantly, how Dean had been touching and messing with his gun more lately, more than before and not with a healthy look on his face. He feared he knew what Dean was contemplating and he was terrified to leave him alone now. He saw Dean descending into depression and not even Bobby could fix it.

He was losing Dean and he couldn't have that. No way, he just got himself back together all for Dean and he would be damned if he would lose him over something like this. He had to get him to talk and he knew that getting through those walls was going to be the first step. Unfortunately those walls were tall and strong, and he knew he had a task ahead of him. So he sat down and began to consider how to do this, to bring Dean back to him, to make them an 'Us' again.

He managed it in the most direct way and hadn't even planned it. Dean had went into the bathroom to shower and that meant he would be in there for a while. Sam had to go to the bathroom and eventually bit the bullet and went in to do just that.

He heard Dean crying, he saw him shaking as he came softly moaning Sam's name. He broke under that name and began to strip. Dean heard the belt hit the floor and looked up sharply, to see Sam before him naked and reaching for him. Dean shook his head and backed up, wanting to go to him but feeling like he shouldn't. Sam backed him into the cold linoleum and the hot spray of water pelted his back. He looked down at his brother with such love in his eyes, so much need that Dean groaned with desire for him. He got hard against his brother as Sam pressed into his chest, a hand wiping the tears away, kissing them away, and moving along his neck and jawline, nipping and kissing his way to Dean's mouth.

Dean's body arched into Sam's and ground into it of its own accord. Sam let out a moan of desire that Dean had never dared hope to hear again. Sam's lips claimed his and his tongue pressed against Dean's, requesting entrance and getting it. Dean's arms went around Sam's back and neck pulling him closer and harder against him. The pleasure was so intense that they just gave into what they really wanted and had wanted for so long.

Sam pulled away a little and began to kiss his way down Dean's body, not missing his nips which were now hard and every time he sucked on them and pinched them, Dean moaned his name, begging him not to stop, his body needing so much more than it was currently getting. He took Dean into his mouth and began to pleasure him, with his teeth and with his tongue, sucking and moving up and down it, until Dean's fingers wrapped painfully into his hair, pushing him deeper onto him, impaling him. His hips moved faster and he cried out Sam's name again, loudly and repeated as he came, Sam not stopping until he was done.

Sam stood up and looked at Dean, seeing his glistening chest and beautiful sculpted body making him impatient, making him want to do more, to claim him for his, not anyone elses, only Sam's. He kissed Dean deeply and hard, making the man writhe beneath the kisses and touches. He turned Dean to face the wall and reached for the shower gel. He lubed up himself and Dean with it, using his fingers to loosen him up, reaching with his long fingers to stroke his prostate with each touch until Dean was thrusting himself hard onto them, crying out for Sam to stop messing around and take him already.

Dean was close and he wanted Sam to do this. This made Sam almost lose it as well. He lined himself up with his brother and gently pushed in, carefully helping Dean through the burning sensations and into the more pleasurable ones. In no time, Dean and Sam were in a hard and fast rhythm, each meeting the other with hard thrusts and hitting the prostrate every time, making Dean tighten around him, pulse against his hardness, making him thrust harder and harder until they were slapping hips and moaning obscenities.

"Oh, Sammy, I can't wait much longer, I can't ,please I need you come with me! Oh, please , come for me ,baby , please, I love you, I need you to…" Dean came with a near scream of pleasure that should have broken every window but didn't. Sam joined him and his cry joined with Dean's making them both tingle with the afterglow of belonging to each once again, this time forever.

Sam withdrew from Dean and Dean turned to face Sam. They kissed feverishly again but drew it out, enjoying this new closeness that they had found, the claim on each other binding them together once more. They eventually settled for washing each other and enjoying that part immensely. Drying each other off was even more interesting, inspiring more lustful thoughts they would act on later. They pulled each other to the bed and began to touch but Dean made sure Sam was on the bottom this time and kissed down his body, nipping a little, Sam liked a little teeth with his foreplay, and Dean began to take him into his mouth, sucking and letting the moans of need pour from Sam like water from a faucet. Pretty soon he was grabbing Dean's hair, pushing him deeper into his mouth and thrusting faster into him. Dean pulled off of him and placed his long legs over his hip and pulled the shower gel from the dresser, his own. He lubed up his fingers and began to loosen up Sam until Sam was pushing into the fingers, begging Dean to be inside him, he _needed_ him inside him.

Dean lubed up himself and pushed in carefully, it had been a while for both of them and he didn't want to hurt Sam. He eventually sheathed himself deep inside Sam and got a slow then faster rhythm going, hitting his prostate with every deep thrust and making his lover spiral up and down with desire and pleasure as he moved inside him. He felt the release coming and fought it, but still found himself thrusting harder and faster into him, Sam's hand grasping as Dean's hips demanding more and more. Dean reached for Sam's aching member and stroked it harder and harder, in time with his thrusts, until Sam was demanding he go, he couldn't wait much longer, he needed him to go with him, now!

"Dean, go, please, go, oh, baby, baby, I'm coming now, come with me, please baby, please Dean, I love you! Need this, need you!" With that Sam came tensing and thrusting against Dean's hips and hand, his body arching and his head slamming back into the mattress, crying out Dean's name at a level that would have woken the neighbors if there had been any, They were the only guests tonight so that was a good thing! Dean cried out his release into Sam with a cry just as loud as Sam, repeating Sam's name like it was prayer, a litany of all things good in his life. Sam found himself hard and coming again as his brother came within him and the way he was saying his name, moaning it like it was a holy prayer and he never wanted it to stop. Sam was the answer to his prayers and Dean was the answer to his.

They crawled under the covers after wiping off and cleaning themselves off. Dean pulled Sam close to him and sighed, he had needed this. Sam removed the gun from under Dean's pillow and put it on the nightstand. Dean watched him do it with embarrassment, now knowing he hadn't hid anything from Sam, Sam had seen it all and had felt the same about him. It made him feel good too. It meant Sam really loved him and he really loved Sam. What the world thought about them didn't matter, this was theirs and no one else's. They had claimed each other and that claim would hold. The other Sam had been right about one thing. This was right for them; this was their way.

"Dean, you're better now, right? No more depression shit, no more thoughts of using that gun on yourself, no more feeling guilty and hating yourself for wanting this, right?" Sam asked, looking down into his brother's green eyes and stroking his face softly.

"I'm better, so much better." Dean knew Sam had seen everything he had been going through. How close he came to ending it before being able to find this new wonderful relationship with Sam. It hurt to think he had almost gave up on this.

"Good, because you ever consider it again, I will kill you myself. Then join you." Sam said softly, kissing his lips lightly, "I need to be with you, Dean, I have to be with you, nothing else makes sense. I hated knowing you were depressed and suicidal the way you were, especially when I knew it was because of what you were feeling for me. I won't be without you, Dean, I had to be without you in the cage, in hell, and now that I'm back I can't bear to be without you here."

"But you weren't in there and we had never done that with each other before. Then I guess I gave in because I so desperately wanted to believe that you had really wanted it all along too. I betrayed you." Dean's eyes slid away from Sam's, hiding his shame again.

"But I did want it. I had wanted it for a long time. Soulless! Me was just letting out what I was hiding for all that time. When I remembered everything, I wanted to have that with you, what he had with you. But you just kept pushing me away, building up walls, and avoiding it. I pulled myself together for you because I knew you would never be with me as long as I was breaking under those memories of the cage and of all the things I did without a soul. All but the one thing that is…" Sam looked deep into Dean's eyes at this and let him figure out what that thing was.

"The thing was?" Dean asked breathlessly, hoping he was right about what he thought it was.

"I wanted you, Dean, I wanted you to love me like you did with him but not just that, to claim me as yours, let me claim you as mine. I wanted us to be together like we are now, forever. I'm yours, Dean, all yours. I love you, Dean." Sam said kissing him softly one more time and seeing a look of pure happiness in those green eyes, making his heart soar.

"I wanted that, too. I just thought you hadn't given any indication of those kinds of feelings before and plus when the wall came down you were so broken, it hurt to see you so hurt. I just figured those feelings didn't matter as much as your recovery. I just wanted to fix you and make you whole again. I wanted to be with you this way, too. I wanted to claim you and have you claim me, forever, too. I'm yours, Sammy, you're It for me. I love you, Sammy, always." He leaned up into Sam's descending lips and the kiss seemed to last forever, a gentle but claiming kiss, sealing their love for each other forever, again.

"We should eat soon, Baby." Sam said concerned now, they hadn't eaten all day, not to mention Dean's bird-like appetite lately hadn't helped at all.

"I know. I just don't want to leave this bed." Dean said nibbling on Sam's ear and blowing across his skin, making Sam squirm in a telling way. He bit the sensitive place behind it and Sam moaned again.

"Let's order Pizza." Sam said reaching for the phone and dialing the number. When he was done, Dean pulled the phone out of his hand and hung it up quickly, kissing his way along his lover's back and onto his chest and groin, Sam arching to meet each kiss and moaning his name, making Dean hard again, They came together, with their bodies over the other, their mouths on each other, crying out their release into the other's comming members.

About that time there was a knock on the door and Sam stole the sheet to cover his waist, laughing at Dean's leer at his firm ass as he stood up. He took the money out of his pants, bending to retrieve them, which is when Dean bit into the softest part of his ass, almost drawing blood. He looked down at the man, grinning, enjoying the sting of the love bite he had just got. He didn't want to move away however but did have to go pay for the pizza.

The pizza girl must have been at the most twenty not much older. When she saw the tall gorgeous man wearing a sheet around his waist and not much else she nearly fainted. When he paid her and smiled, his dimples showing, she almost forgot to breathe. She was sure after wards that she had given him too much change back but it was worth it. How many times did something like that happen to a girl like her?

Dean watched Sam carry the pizza over to the bed and set it down on their outstretched legs. Sam licked a little tomato sauce from Dean's lips once in a while; Dean did the same for him. They enjoyed their pizza and then sat the box on the other bed. Dean pulled Sam into him and Sam spooned back into Dean. They fell asleep that way and promised themselves they would always sleep this way from now on.

They belonged together now.

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Yes, it is sex, lots of sex. A bit smuttier than I planned but it works.

They went through a lot to get here and they deserve this.

Please review if you liked it.

mnmnm


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